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Alright, I can't believe it is already Tuesday! Today I have chosen to fast forward a bit...out of Jr. High for a moment (thank all that is good and holy) and into Sophmore year. This is a time I would really love to forget, yet I can't.
So does everyone remember Matt? He was my main crush in 9th grade. He was also my first kiss (AWWWWW). And over the summer before 10th grade, we "hung out" a lot. He lived close and would come over and we would sit and talk on the porch for hours. I would make us salads. Since I wasn't 16 yet, and couldn't technically date, we would all go out as groups. Our parents had to drive us everywhere, of course, but still. We were totally TOGETHER. Ok? Like we were GOING OUT. Everyone knew this, right? It just hadn't been vocalized per say...
So, enter 10th grade. Matt turns 16, but I was still 15. So his parents let him date. And mine didn't. And it is the big welcome STOMP (dance that you don't have a date for). So I went with my girlfriends. I hadn't seen Matt for a few weeks. The end of the summer was busy with trips and back to school shopping, so I didn't really think much of it. My friends and I were sitting on the bleachers, talking, when who should I see walk in? Matt. And he isn't alone. GASP. Apparently he didn't want to wait for me to turn 16. So he went and found a JUNIOR. And his arm was around her shoulders.
After seeing this, I FLEW out of the gym toward my locker. There was no way I was going to sit and watch that discusting spectacle. And as I neared the pay phones (I had to call for a ride home, of course), there he was. Without a word, he handed me this NOTE and walked away. Ok, people. Notes were fine for Jr. High. But this is high school. And that isn't even the best part. Wait til you read The Note. After I read the note, I sat down in the hall and I responded on the same page (see Red writing). Then I crumpled it up and shoved it in his gym locker (yes, I went into the boys locker room).
Betty,
I don't know how to say this. The words just won't come to me. So I have found a song that expresses my feelings the way my words never could. (Are you throwing up in your mouth yet? I was.)
We both know that I shouldn't be here (we do?)
This is wrong (huh?)
And baby it's killing me, it's killing you (you looked fine to me)
Both of us trying to be strong (um, I'm not. I'm freakin pissed)
I've got somewhere else to be (yeah, nursery school)
Promises to keep (got that curfew and everything)
Someone else who loves me (your mom)
And trusts me fast asleep (see above)
I've made up my mind (I don't think your mind had much say in this...think lower)
There is no turning back
She's been good to me (for 2 whole weeks?)
And she deserves better than that (I'll show her what she deserves)
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye
And tell you I don't love you (well, you DIDN'T look me in the eye, you rat bastard, you wrote me a friggin note!)
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie (yeah, you're really good at that)
To show no emotion when you start to cry (I ain't cryin. I'm pissed)
I can't let you see what you mean to me (about as much as your pet hampster who you let die while you were in Fiji over the summer, obviously)
When my hands are tied and my heart's not free (oh, so she's a Dominatrix...that explains a lot)
We're not meant to be (nope, this note is definite evidence of that)
It's the hardest thing I'll ever had to do
To turn around and walk away
Pretending I don't love you
I know that we'll meet again (yeah, in 3rd period gym)
Fate has a place and time (gym is fatal)
So you can get on with your life (you are a moron)
I've got to be cruel to be kind (and you're really messed up if you think this is cruel or kind...it's just weird)
Like Dr. Zhivago (you don't even know who that is, moron)
All my love I'll be sending (don't bother)
And you will never know cuz
There can be no happy ending (yeah there can, when I shove my pencil up your @ss)
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye
And tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion when you start to cry (once again, NOT CRYING. Cocky, much?)
Maybe another time, another day (I hope not, I'll bust a cap in your @ss)
As much as I want to, I can't stay (good, leave me alone)
(Ooh) (yes, he really did put in the Ooooohs)
I've made up my mind
There is no turning back
She's been good to me
And she deserves better than that
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye
And tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion when you start to cry
(FOR THE LAST FREAKING TIME I AM NOT CRYING. I HATE YOUR FREAKING GUTS AND I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN. AND THIS NOTE IS THE STUPIDEST FORM OF COMMUNICATION I HAVE EVER SEEN.)
I don't want to live a lie
What can I do (This make no sense, Matt. You are a moron. Leave me alone.)
Love always,
Matt
P.S. MATT, YOU ARE REALLY STUPID AND I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO TINA WHEN SHE TOLD ME YOU WERE A DUMBASS.
He was kind enough to return The Note the next day in gym. He had uncrumpled it as much as possible and wrote at the top in purple crayon:
I'm sorry. Don't hate me please.
Oh Matt. I don't hate you. You just gave me the greatest blogging material ever.
