SYB Day 6

So I have almost made it.  One more day to go.  It's a good thing I didn't go anywhere this weekend.  That would have sucked.  Anyway, I didn't buy a single thing today.  I feel sort of depressed and poor.  Which is funny.  I feel like I have more money when I am spending it.

We went to the in-laws for dinner tonight.  And after this post, I had Bug taste test all my food before eating it.  And I made sure M-in-L saw him doing this.  I figure she would never poison him.  Just me.  But we all survived. 

As we drove back up from Utah County this evening, I was bombarded with the assortment of billboards on the side of I-15.  And as I sat there, I got more and more depressed.

The first one looked like this.

As soon as I see ads like this, I start feeling guilty.  Guilty that I hate church movies.  Guilty that I like Coke.  Really Guilty about not being a Pioneer.

As we continued down the freeway, this one came into view:

WE SUCK....FAT!

Get rid of that muffin top with Liposuction!

At this point, I quickly look over at J to see if he has noticed this one.  Because I know what he is thinking.  "Wow, how did they get a picture of my wife's midsection?"  Yes, I have a muffin top.  YES, it is gross.  YES, I DID GIVE BIRTH TO YOUR SON!  I gave him a dirty look.  He looked confused.  Smart move, J, smart move.  I sucked in my belly, pulled up my pants and continued looking out the window.

Just in time for this beauty:

LASER HAIR REMOVAL:  YOU DESERVE IT!

Most days, I shower in under 30 seconds.  Because the Bug is running loose in my room.  And pulling all my socks and underwear out of drawers.  And wearing it on his head while unrolling the toilet paper as fast as he can.  He can accomplish a lot in 30 seconds.  So, NO, ok, I DON'T shave my pits every day.  Or other parts.  Does that make me a bad wife?  Probably.  Now I am ashamed.  I pull my legs up on the seat and check under my shirt.  Yep, hairy pits today. 

An ad for this place really made me feel good about myself:

LOSE those extra POUNDS, for less than $1 a day!!!

   Working out sucks.  And it makes my legs hurt.  So I have a muffin top.  And workout clothes accentuate my muffin top.  And I'm weak.  So I rarely do it. 

At this point, I really feel like just jumping out of the car right then and there.  I mean, I am completely worthless right?  J is oblivious. 

But the cherry on top?  The straw that broke the camel's back?  This one:

Upon seeing this, I broke down and cried, "J, I am a HORRIBLE, AWFUL, NO-GOOD human being and a Terrible Mormon!  I don't even write to the freakin missionaries!"

J then reminded me that we don't really personally know any missionaries out right now.  But that doesn't matter.  What about the orphans who go on missions?  Two years without hearing from anyone.  They need letters too!  And I could be writing them. 

I have decided that I hate billboards.  And I am going to go change them all in the middle of the night to this one I designed myself. 

MUFFIN TOPS + HAIRY CRACK = SEXY 

AND DON'T LET THEM TELL YOU OTHERWISE

P.S.  GO HAVE A COKE.