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Being a working Mormon mom in Utah, I get a lot of unsolicited advice and inquiry from well-meaning friends and neighbors. Most are ideas about how I could quit and stay home with my kid. Some recent ones:
- Could you sell your house?
- J could get like, a night job right?
- Have you ever heard of Melaleuca? How about Pampered Chef? OOooh, or Scentsy?
- Have you prayed about it?
SAHM: So, Betty, what do you do? Do you get to stay home with the Bug?
Me: I am actually an adjunct professor at the community college, teaching in the late afternoons and evenings. I work about 18 hours a week. I am with the Bug most of the day.
SAHM, trying her best to look envious: That is SO great that you can do that! I could never leave _______(insert odd Utah name like Nephi or MacKenzzziey here).
Translation: You are such a sh!ty parent. I am so much better than you. I am much more emotionally attached to MY child than you could EVER be to yours. Obviously, because if you were really a good mother (like me), your ingrained motherly instincts would kick in and 50 lb. chains would grow around you, making sure you could never succomb to the evil temptation of WORKING outside the home. Even if your family would starve. Even if you would go insane. Your poor child. Too bad he didn't come down to my family.
Or, the short translation: I love my kid more than you love yours.
Most of the time, I can just smile and say, "Yeah, I really enjoy it!"
But not today.
No, today I lost it. Today, instead of letting it roll off my back, I responded the way I have wanted to respond so many times.
"Yep, it is SO great, isn't it? I am SO glad that I am secure enough as a mother that I know that the time I spend with my son is quality time. I am SO glad that I have obtained enough education that if my family needs extra money, I don't have to work at PayCheck City or sell stinky candle wax. I am SO glad my son can see that an education really pays off and he can be proud of his parents. I am SO glad that I have a job that allows me to be home with my son the majority of the time. And I am SO glad that YOU think it is SO great, because I am really the kind of person who needs to be validated by women who watch their husbands work 4 jobs while they sit at home like a princess and watch soap operas while their kids play outside, after returning from Walmart where they used all their food stamps to buy Doritos and Oreos."
Don't get me wrong. I think it is great when women are involved, caring, SAHMs. It is our most important job. But seriously? Some women have to work. Some women choose to work. It is up to every woman to choose. This holier-than-thou craptasticness has Got. To. Stop. Before I end up on Oprah or Ricky Lake or some other fabulous waste of airtime.
