Now I know how the "other half" lives (and SYB Day 2)

Today was a bit harder than yesterday.  I couldn't hide inside my impeccably clean house forever.  We had to have some groceries.  I think J was getting a little tired of MREs.  Anyways, so I headed out with Fabulous Neighbor Friend (FNF) to Harmon's to hit their caselot sale.  Harmon's is usually the biggest screwing on the planet, but they do have a few good deals at caselot time.  Needless to say, I am a Wally-Worlder for the most part.  Price-matching is a wonderful thing.  And for all you "OH, but they are taking over the WOOOORLD!  How can you SLEEP at night????"  Uh, I sleep just fine and probably spend half as much on groceries at you.  BOOYA.  But I digress.

So, I had Bug with me, of course, and he was being a pill, eating all of Fabulous Neighbor Friend Son's (lets call him Ike) pretzels and throwing packages of frozen hashbrowns at old ladies.  I really wanted to get out of there.  Plus it just wasn't fun having to scrutinize every little purchase.  Like, "Do I REALLY need chicken to make chicken pot pie?  Couldn't I just use some of that canned tuna from food storage?" 

We got to the check-out, and the lurpy, pimple-faced bagger asks me "M'am, will you be needing Drive-and-Load today?"

Huh?

Not wanting to appear ignorant, I put up my nose and said, "Of course."  If that is what rich, snobby people who like to pay double for their groceries use, I'll use it too, whatever the hell it is.

So, they loaded up my cart and I began to push it toward the door. 

"MAAAAAM!" As lurpy bagger chases me down.  "I thought you wanted Drive-and-Load." 

Me, a bit miffed, "Well of course I want drive-and-load."

Lurpy:  "Um, you have to leave me your cart so I can load it."

So I started to leave. 

"MAAAAAM!"  Good grief, adolescent, what now?

Me, annoyed, "YES?"

Lurpy:  "Um, you need to take your kid."

Apparently Drive-and-Load is not a full service operation.

So, I unbuckled the Bug, and hauled his 26 pounds of dead weight across the parking lot in the 90 degree heat, whereas if I would have had my cart, I would have been able to push him.  And at this point, I'm thinkin, I'm never getting my groceries cuz I have no idea what the frack drive-and-load is and now I will never, ever come back here again because they stole 48 dollars and 53 cents from me under the guise of this drive-and-load program.  Wiping away (well almost) tears, I buckled Bug in.

WHY didn't I just go to Walmart?  WHY?  They have been so good to me!  I could picture the face of that cute little Japanese greeter-man and I felt ashamed.  I made a solemn promise to the powers that be, that I would NEVER, EVER cheat on Walmart again if they would just please, this one time, help me find where I was supposed to go and retrieve my groceries. 

I took a deep breath, and backed out, narrowly missing some rich chick (who I am sure lives in Daybreak) in her Escalade.  I put on my glasses (since my lasik has worn off and it SUCKS) and scanned the store front. 

WAIT!  Is that a little line of cars I see?  Perhaps these are the rich people who are using Drive-and-Load!  I decided I would follow them.  As I neared said place, I became convinced that this was in fact the elusive Drive-And-Load.  Then a thought hit me that chilled me to the bone.

What if it costs money. 

I can't spend frivolous money this week.

I'll lose all my friends!  Well, followers, stalkers, whatever.  But they are sort of my friends!  And they are the only one's I've got.  Is it worth losing $48.53 to keep my end of the challenge and not lose my friends?  As I was thinking about this, I realized it was quickly my turn. 

Orange vest dude: "Name?"

"Uh, Betty?"  I answered.  He was gone for a minute then returned with....My CART!  And it looked like everything was still there!  He popped open the back of the MAV and began carefully loading my groceries.  Maybe he would forget to ask me for payment.  OR maybe they had a Bill-Me-Later option, like BestBuy.

As he finished, I hoped he would just walk away and give me space to Drive-and-Load-and-Dash, but no such luck.  He came right up to my window.  Here it comes, I thought. 

Orange vest dude:  "Would you like a garbage sack for your car?"

Me, so scared now I can hardly breathe and I think I just wet myself, "OK" I manage to squeak, as I reach for my wallet.  This is it.  I have lost my challenge.  I really just wanted to get some good deals at the frickin caselot sale and now look what has happened!  Oh the shame.

Orange vest dude, giving me funny look:  "Uh, no, they are free.  And Drive-and-Load is a courtesy service for our shoppers."

So this is how the other half lives.  Well, they can have it.  It was way too much stress for me.

Wallys, please forgive me!  I'll pay you a visit tomorrow, I promise!  This will be THE LAST time I ever deviate! 

Then FNF bought me Chik Fil A for lunch because she felt bad for me.  And I didn't spend any money the rest of the day.  So there.

Nite.